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Jul. 22nd, 2008 @ 12:47 pm new direction
Current Mood: optimistic
currently looking or motivation to push myself into something new and scary, but ultimately exciting.
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Jul. 7th, 2008 @ 01:38 pm Graduation Today!!
Current Mood: happy
Yey! i'm so excited!
Champagne cocktails later! Really proud of everyone, especially Charlotte who successfully kicked all our butts!

(also I no longer live alone. I now have two little fishes! still yet to name them though)
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Jun. 26th, 2008 @ 09:45 am Jobs
Current Mood: contemplative
I need a job.
Got my degree marks last week (which i'm so so happy about! did so much better than i ever thought i would). Since then i've been trying to decide on what to do next.

( Read more... )
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Jun. 18th, 2008 @ 10:14 am space in time
Current Mood: cheerful
I still can't understand how anyone can know what day it is when they claim there is no position in relation to it?? right now i'm almost at the furthest point from the circle, it's kind of blue here, and feels intense. it could only be June.

I should be cleaning now, charlottes on her way over.
i'm now excited for my viva! can't wait to find out what happens next:)

(oh & for a link to discussion on Syn: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/science/allinthemind_20080617.shtml )
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Jun. 17th, 2008 @ 06:37 pm the final test.
Current Mood: okay
Viva tomorrow!
I'm sightly scared, but a part of me thinks that if i've not got it now i probably never will. i want to look over things, but as they can ask anything from over the last four years, i doubt very much that which ever part i chose to look at this evening will be the bit they ask over! but i don't think i'll be able to keep calm if i don't do something constructive.

I want to go on holiday! i can't wait! keep speaking to people who are off on adventures and it makes me jealous! wish i could get to cornwall next week, but i guess it's not really practical for me to.. plus i don't have the money. I'd much rather save for portugal! yey! shame it'l be only for a week.

Hmm slight distraction there. i think i should probably start concentrating on keeping things focussed for tomorrow, i don't want to start answering a question, then get distracted & start talking about something else!
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Jun. 15th, 2008 @ 08:18 pm House
Current Mood: tired
I love living here. I've enjoyed my space. I'm not sure if it's what i want anymore.. i can't see me moving home, it never seemed right again once my bedroom was given away. i just don't feel comfortable sleeping there anymore. I'm not really sure what to do, but i know i want a change. I think i just don't want to live alone anymore.
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Jun. 14th, 2008 @ 11:21 am home
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Echo and the Bunnymen
I'm floating. My life feels like its just starting, it feels good. Mmmm lips like sugar, my favorite:)
I suddenly feel motivated, there are a million things i want to do, i don't know where to start! i'm drifting, i'm flying, i can't wait to find out what happens next.
can't believe this time in a week i'll have my results for four years of work. i can't believe i made it this far.
need to play now, all i want to do is run and play:)
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May. 31st, 2008 @ 09:11 pm Birthday week
Current Mood: grateful
last week has been so surreal.

i've had the most amazing birthday, loved having people over, loved seeing my family. i've had the most beautiful food & had lots of giggles:) it's strange, i feel like i'm not here & i'm watching someone else, watching their life change, break apart, and fit back together. i feel happy. guilty when other people aren't happy, but i still can't stop smiling. i feel free from the world & that all of a sudden i have the potential for anything!

also i can't get enough of this book i'm reading, just can't put it down!
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May. 23rd, 2008 @ 09:13 am WOOOHOO!!
Current Mood: hyper
can't believe i've actually got it in, it looks so much more official now it's on fancy paper and bound :)

so now i think it's time i got some sort of social life back!
my world has been the lab over the past few months, and i can honestly say that i think i've been out less times than the fingers on my hand, probably since new year!


i want a party! i want a party! Yey!

sort notice.. but i'm thinking tomorrow? yes!

AARRGGH i need to run around and play! now now now!!

right as i'm sure nobody actually reads this apart from me.. i think i should probably start texting people :)
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May. 7th, 2008 @ 08:10 am wont sleep until i get there!
Current Mood: determined
i feel a hundred million miles away, and i have only one day to get to where i want to be.

i'm praying on caffeine to save me & sheer stubborness to keep me going.



...can't wait til it's over! :)
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Apr. 25th, 2008 @ 04:06 pm 312:48:12
Current Mood: sore
concentration more than lacking.
only one thing on the mind.

counting days 'til freedom.
wanting big celebrations on the eighth.
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Apr. 17th, 2008 @ 04:35 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: stressed
AAARRRRGH!


that is all.
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Apr. 14th, 2008 @ 05:44 pm getting there..
Current Mood: optimistic
i keep working. literally every minute i get free i spend on my project. even in the evening, whilst watching t.v i'll do the easy bits which take time but don't require full thought. and although yes i am seriously worrying that i just won't have the time to get this how i want it, at least i can say i'm progressing forward, if only at a slow (yet hopefully accurate) pace.

I try not to distract myself.. but i'm so excited about holidays!! can't wait!
need to sort passport asap, but should get done in time:) yey!

ok a brief distraction. but that's ok. back to analysis:)
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Mar. 19th, 2008 @ 07:54 pm Dreams
Current Mood: creative
I love escaping. I like to turn down the sound, listen to the volume & let it take me away.
It feels like i've neglected so many enjoyments for too long. I may be tied to my course for a few more months, and don't get me wrong i do love it so, but i miss mt time all the same.

So over Easter, although yes i will be working more & won't technically get a holiday like others will, i do have plans:)
I have every intention to remind myself of what makes me smile, even if it's just the little things.

Staring tonight. Phantom, piano, bubble bath & a huge banana split with extra whipped cream & chocolate sauce! and if i can fit it in maybe one of my favourite Marilyns:)

Ooh and tomorrow got to start off with a bit of echo. :)

Yes oh my goodness it's crazy, my daily life must have disappeared at some point!? It's weird i didn't even really realize until writing this.. i mean yeah i knew things had changed & i wasn't always feeling exactly happy, but i didn't even think about what i had given up. wow yeah this Easter i'm fixing the baseline!
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Mar. 12th, 2008 @ 08:46 pm if things were different...
Current Mood: nostalgic
such good memories of the past. it's easy to reflect & wonder how life would be if i followed a slightly different path..

i look at my life at current & i feel lost in work. I somehow have managed to push away the things which i loved the most & now everything just feels separated, like distant memories of days when i felt happy & full of possibilities.

maybe it's just part of growing up. i'm sure for most people there will be a point in life where innocence & naive dreams come to an end.. but it just seems silly that what makes me smile now is the memory of those days & not the dream of future adventures or fairytale endings.

i feel strange right now. i feel so lucky to have such happy memories, but i tainted them with my own consciousness.. i created my path & my life. i feel sad right now for all the lost opportunities i somehow missed along the way, but i only have myself to blame. i refuse guilt. at the time i know i did what i did with well thought reason. & thinking about it, even i went back to my situations of how they were then, i don't think i would do differently.
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Feb. 21st, 2008 @ 09:38 pm coffee & cake
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Echo and the Bunnymen
I think about things too much, an awful a lot more than i ought too.
My Mums right, i should just live for the day and enjoy it!

So from now on i have every intention to do just that. i refuse to plan anything more than two weeks in advance! life just seems to change too quickly, and planning things & then worrying about changing these plans just wastes opportunities & i suspect it's times like these when the good surprises are missed.
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Jan. 31st, 2008 @ 08:12 am pasta for breakfast
Current Mood: relaxed
i'm not going to clock club this morning. got so much to do today that i'm running late already, so now i'm just being lazy. looking forward to a lab day though:) i like being in the lab all day.
as ever time seems to have moved a lot more quickly than i anticipated. i've not seen all the people i want to, for what seems like now a long long time. as if this is the last day of January!? i think i can safely say that all my deadline i set myself are not going to be met. hmmm.. but also i think i can also say that i'm feeling a little happier in general, bad days seem fewer, which is good & i might actually be getting somewhere for once! :)
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Jan. 20th, 2008 @ 02:01 pm mood swings??
Current Mood: optimistic
so back from uni, my head feels slightly clearer.

i think i know what i need to do, get my life back in order. starting with my apartment. i predict, looking at the mess of everything that it will take all day, minimum. but i'm prepared for that.
i'm thinking that once i know where everything is again & that everything is clean and tidy, my thoughts might also become clean and tidy. i know it may sound strange, but i think it could work.

i'm looking forward now to an interesting week, but right now..
the spring cleaning begins! :)
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Jan. 20th, 2008 @ 09:46 am brain fog
Current Mood: numb
i just didn't want to get out of bed this morning. i should be in uni today, was supposed to be there 50mins ago, but i'm still not dressed.

my head's confused. i don't know how to put things in perspective & i don't know how to reach a sane answer. my life at the moment is non-stop. i never seem to have enough time to complete anything to a satisfactory level. my mind can't focus on one problem at once. it's like a never ending blur of pain & confusion, splashed with a bit passion and longing, and filled with endless guilt at the feeling i'll never get this right.

i have to go. i want to be able to fix things, but not knowing where to start depresses me to the point where i can't think anymore. i go blank. then i go to bed, in a desperate way of trying to clear my mind, but in reality just giving up. i don't have that option right now.
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Jan. 10th, 2008 @ 08:30 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: depressed
not in a good place right now........
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